since there is this current aura of depression invading everyone I think I will submit my poetic description of my feelings.

" heart, which beats in ones chest, and gives forth endless possibilities of love, I have not. A soul, the very essence of ones' self, I have lost. my mind is scattered over miles of dark endless nightmares. I used to think I was strong, I could handle problems, and end up with a good position on things. boy, was I wrong."

I would take any problem in the world, anything, I would even take a fatal illness if I could have her love me till I died. but that isn't going to happen. I messed up, and I am paying for it in full, with the added card shark 35% interest on it.