You know, I'm a pretty insecure person. Sometimes you think you've got it all figured out, but in reality, there's always something.

But I guess that's good, it keeps me on my toes. I know what I have to work on. Sexuality is tricky, I don't hate myself for fearing it sometimes. but I AM trying to better myself emotionally (I guess for lack of a better word:) against it.

So money is getting pretty tight, with all these things I have to put money into I'm getting very low. It's really stressful, I've never really had to worry TOO much about money, but lately it's just been an un-needed strain on my mind. I can't let Jason and Chip down, so I'll find a job somewhere.

You know they say, the more you tread deeper into Existential (looking inward for the answers kinda deal) thought, the closer you become to insanity. The more you see the more you don't want to. It's really interesting! according to Sartre, we are doomed to be free. Our own freedom causes us Anxiety.

Here's another similar idea, The majority of us (if not all of us) live in "Bad Faith". this idea is one such that we (deep down behind all of our barriers) know who and what we are, but we deny ourself the truth about ourselves. in the contrapositive; We see what we are not, but we say that we are (what we in fact are not).

This is the deeper idea that, "we are the sum of all our choices". The very same idea that created the "Actions speak louder than words" saying. It's all very interesting. This is what I think about when I walk from class to class. It's these ideas that make me wonder what people think of themselves. When I sit in the spring and the summer by a tree, and watch someone walk from their car to the lakeside, or perhaps watch a woman by herself feeding the birds (not like Mary Poppins style, just in the park).

I wonder what you're thinking when I look at you. What in the past have you gone through to come to this point, and where is this point going to be in your approaching future. Who are you? Why are you here with me? and What am I to you?

If I can claim I do ANYTHING in life, I wonder. That's also a synonym for dream, ponder, think, dwell, contemplate, meditate, relfect.

That's tiring to think about (no pun intended). So with that said, I think I'll close my eyes and welcome whatever dream comes today, last night I woke up saying a sentance and it read: "Yeah, yeah, okay. You go ahead and ring that bell, Elephant".

figure that shit out, write it to me in a letter and postmark it "You're insane", I'll know who you're talkin about!

Nighteo