Ever feel like you have all the answers? the WHOLE puzzle is laying before you and you know where every piece goes? if you do, I'll give you my Cell, gimmie a call you stingy bastard.

last night I was tired to the point where I was staring in the mirror in the bathroom and had problems keeping my head up. I forgot what it felt like to be completely and utterly exhausted. you know, it's one of those feelings that you never want, especially after being utterly blown away by a stupid SHOW. Fuck that. a TELEVISION SHOW should not be able to affect someone so bad.

but see, it isn't the damn show...it's the emotions and memories of the person the show plays on. Everyone has sentimental memories, and wants/desires. Maybe even needs and that's the shit that strikes true.

Wake me up, I dream living. let me sleep, I'm living a dream.  either way, Save me.

I swear I'm going to dedicate myself to finding out why people fee like they do and when they do. Not phychology style, but intimately know someone well enough to find a fucking way to bolster their damn willpower and repair sooo much damage.

I'll never be able to do that will I? In the grand scheme of things,  does that even matter?

fuck questions. I'm gonna go take a shower, everything's better after a shower right??

RIGHT???

I can tell you from experience, that's showers don't do anything for ya, the only emotion I've been able to release from my system from a shower was pure, untainted Rage. and that was Last Semester + a very Cold shower in North hall.  My choice.

also, I just noticed; why is it when we are sad, or depressed, or something we consider a negative emotion, we HOARD THE HELL out of it? it's like, we have to tip the scale so much in the sad direction to even out the good parts of life? Give the scales a rest eh? enjoy the life you have in front of you

practice what I preach....eh?

You know, there are soooo many things that are perfect in this world. And they all exist in the "non-real world", that's some shit.

Smallville, it's a new favorite of mine, for a lot of reasons, but number one, is the existance of soooo much friendship and love and whatnot. I'm gonna try to not make this another "love entry" but ya know, it's important.

I have started to make a cognitive comparison between the terms "obsession" and "infatuation". it seems so many people now adays label someone as "obsessed" with someone else. after watching some episodes (yeah, dork...I know). I've come to the conclusion that it's so precious when someone cares about someone so much that they make room in their life, for someone who doesn't even know they have an impact on the other person. at least they don't know how big of an impact it is.

I just lost all sense of what the hell I am doing. I'm FUBAR.

I need some video games tonight with my buddy Nick, him and some Starcraft, and some Dane Cook. That'll be money.

It's either FUBAR or money....hmmmm

Phew. Work is like...the cross between getting beaten up by a posse of angry club weilders and getting rubbed up on by Pigpen from Charlie Brown.
 
Where did that reference come from? Idunnowhere
 
So I must say that I appreciate all the happy birthdays and whatnot from you all, seriously thank you. It's tough to be out here in berea sometimes away from you guys in lakewood. I miss you, 4 Reel
 
so I was at work today, and all day in my head, I had the song "She will be loved" from Maroon 5 in my head. and it was soooooo good. I love that song, really it just sounds good to my inner self. It's part of how I see the concept of love. I wanna make you feel beautiful.
 
but the difference is, I genuinely want you to know your beautiful. and not my love interesting or anything like that, you as a friend, you as a person. I know, this kinda stuff is so cliché, but so is everything else in the world. So let me have my concept of "love".
 
My dreams have been getting a bit intense again, I'm not sure what it means, but sometimes what you need in life is a good storm to shake things up to make the good times that much more....what's the word I'm looking for here....Delishious.
 
I just had Deja Vous. in an IM conversation, and I remember recalling this conversation over a couple years ago...the world is so mysterious sometimes
 
this may sound sooooo silly or stupid...but sometimes I think that part of my specific purpose in life, is to help people repair their idea of love. I remember talking to my friend Mallory about that once. I just feel so good when I get to help someone grab that smile and put it back on their face.
 
what came first? a sunny day? or a stormy day?
 
I have a special picture in my room that I consider the most tranquil picture I own. It's a picture of the beach in florida, with a dark overcast sky, with rays of sunlight peaking through and sparkling on the waves and ocean, which continue to crash on the sand.  Think about it this way...we have all been like that picture. Even if all our bad feelings cloud our sky, there is still the sun shining behind them all.  Never succumb to sadness, instead, find that friend you know will keep you afloat.
 
If you need me, I will be there for you, regardless of how much I suck as a friend.

I kinda feel the need to blog about this because it was something totally eerie.
 
last night I had a dream (contents of the dream personal) but at the end of the dream I woke up from it....but immediately afterwards, I woke up from THAT dream.
 
so...I woke up....to a dream world. it was like Waking Life.  Can you really wake up...from waking up? who knows.
 
but that's kinda odd, I dreamed a perfect replica of my room and everything exactly as it was to wake up to in my dream, to wake up to in "real life".
 
crazy business going on there
 
happy July 17th

You know what would be the best thing in the world for me. For a day, just a day, I'd like to have the abililty to see when/where/why/what people think about/of me.  I'd just like to know if people think of me the way I think of them, and what not.
 
that's all

What it is about music that reaches so many people on so many different levels? How many more tears have been cried after people listen to a emotionally loaded song?
 
I just wonder these things at slow points in my day, when I'm online to see 230,453.33 (yes all two hundred and thirty thousand, four hundred and fifty three and one third) Away messages, so I figure hey...why not think of something profound (not) and just ponder for awhile.
 
Or then again, I could think of all the people I should be calling to do stuff with, if little things like my car messing up and me being completely lazy didn't affect me. it's all very depressing. Also I haven't called rachel yet, but I do have a card that I should put in the mail ASAP. I'm glad I did get her address and # at camp now, but I'm nervious about calling her, I guess it goes with the territory eh?
 
Well lately, I've been playing tooooo many video games and staying up faaaar too late. I dunno, I'm just feeling rather out of it lately. Losing touch with things (those) that matter.  I guess I should try to do better and get in contact with people to hang out and generally have a good time, I'll try. Until then, goodnight
 
by the way, I'm really looking forward to college, it'll be a....rediculously silly good time.

so it's about noon, that's early as hell for apartment time.

I figure what can I do while waiting about a half an hour to go to work...Blog!

so the topic I'd like to touch on today, is "false-reality". Now I'm sure some of you if you read this say something to the effect of "ok this guy is a wannabe-intellectual" or "yep, he's gay". either way, I hate you.

So the point for today is in fact that, there is so many layers of reality that make people so blind to what's going on. take relationships, I bet at least half of you have said "I love you" at some point in time, and probably didn't mean it for it's full retail value, because we're young. how about when you're in a relationship and you think that everything is crystal clear, when in fact, the other person is just going through the motions not *really* feeling the magic you seem to feel. sound familiar to you out there? maybe, maybe not.

regardless of the previous examples, there are just so many layers to each person's reality. As Shrek puts it: "Ogres are like onions", except replace ogres with people, and maybe subdefine people as highschool through college level "young adults".

as I reread this as an outside thinker, this is the point where I wonder "Dave, where are you going with this you crazy crazy ape". My answer would be, if anything just take a couple minutes and ponder what your layers are, and how you or other people are being affected by them. it...could open your eyes to a lot of different things.

or then again, maybe I should just stop talking and go work out now, laaaaaaaaaater.

I got my big cash monay....which I spend on the A to the P to the T.

Well I figure since I lost all flavor for my computer video games for the moment thanks to the unreliability of a wireless broadband connection, why not entice all of you readers out there with some linguistical love making.

as you can tell by my last sentance...the heat is getting to me, send help.

Alright I'm really looking forward to work, not long hours, with good pay, and it's a workout every day. I'm sure I'll whine about it eventually but that is life and life can get that way sometimes. (I blame my obviousness on the heat).

You know, a plunger is a very underrated item to have in the house. Most people overlook the value of the plunger, but me, I know it's vast importance!

if I ever make some random CD, It's gonna be called "Please Send Plungers"

-Outtie