hands down, the worst feeling at school (or in a school environment) is anxiety.

Ho-Lee-SHEEIT does it suck. This morning in class I was freaking out because of how much I shit I had to do today, freaking out in the worst way, it wasn't as if I sad there and my inner monologue said "damn...I have a lot to do, I'll get it done" it was more like "OMFGWTFSHITSHIT". Something like that, and yes I think in acronyms.

acronyms or video games either way, I'll be smilin eventually....lol

the more I go through this semester the more I'm finding that I hate macs. this building is so much shit that I don't even want to deal with half the time. Today I got a phone call (well a survey) in MACS...on my cell phone. What's the world coming to where they need to get customer service via my absurdly costing cellular phone service. I miss the old days where they'd send a courier over to your house and ask you...wait...that never happened

uhhhh I gotta go, PEACE in the northeast...ohio

Do you ever find that when you're trying to do work, and can't figure it out for a minute, or realize you have some more homework to do...or whatever the case may be, you get fuckin BLASTED with anxiety?

I'm sitting here in MACS and I put in my All-State CD from Senior year in high school, because I started to sing some of the songs from choir at work today. and I heard the music I used to sing and BLAMTASTIC MONKEY SPASM OF ANXIETY! and no I am not mistaken, it was surely blamtastic.

All State Men's Song 2002

I really miss choir, and more importantly the lifestyle that I led while I was a senior in choir at LHS, all the great people. being in choir last semester at BW was really fun (motet style), but it dawned upon me when we split up at the end of last year, that it wasn't really any deeper than "another class" to some people. I definatly enjoyed being in a class with Katie Krumreig again and such like that, it was a refreshing reminded of how good LHS friendships can be. The end result is that, I enjoyed the choir time, and it was really sad to leave (and to not be able to glance at my choir crush from last year, she was (as my friend nate would say: stunning)).

it's hard to look back on the good times in life, or in anything really...relationships, flings, hell even good video game sessions. Everquest used to be one my best friends, and now he is forsaken in the mist of yesterday. I guess the only thing I can really do, is let it burn....thanks Usher.

for all you religious people (or just like spirituals) All State's Spiritual 2002

if I had a 40 oz. I'd be pouring it for my buddies Rick and Ned and Toni McHenry. Miss you guys Peace.

Edit: I realize that you might not be able to access the songs on my blog, I'm working on making them work correctly

Ohhhh man, and then God said (well the man at the video game store) "Let there be Fable!" and then I fainted and crapped my pants...before fainting.

Wow, I.....won't have much of a life for about....a month, HURRAY! (not really I'll be social, I'll just be a nerd on the "day" part of the weekends.

HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough* !!!!!!

as I sit here in our fine Math and Computer Science building I find that I cannot think of much but music right now. Sure I have my headphones on and listening to music when I probably should be sitting here in silence going insane like the rest of the people round me doing projects and things like that. but I get to go insane in a different sort of way. Being mindful of a whole bunch of things that really are irrelivant at this point. for instance, getting to know the new pittsburgher at BW (laura) really has a lot of traits that my ole buddy Carrie used to portray. Or how in Lakewood, I pretty much officially know nobody around anymore, it's kinda sad during the school year to see everyone peace out.

but I guess it isn't like I actually did much with anyone anyway. I have a spiritual disciplines class that I am focusing on the discipline of submission, and so far it's been killer. I bring this up because I am so (unhealthily) against doing things I know will be fun but that will "inconvience" my "relax time". Ain't that some shit?. Not sure what to say about that one. I am really trying to get better at it....if I ever frustrate you because of that...I"m so sorry, I really am and I know there isn't much I can do to make up for that kinda thing but I'll try to better myself.

I guess that's all we can really say about something? No one can ever repair the memories that someone recieves from the actions you do or do not do, but you can help to make new and better ones.

sometimes I pretend to know more about myself then other people, and sometimes I think I may have a better grasp on life than other people, you know...with all that philosophy and psychology I'm sure you people have heard me spout from time to time about being an Authentic person, and maybe even something about Self-Awareness. but you know, in all of my "wisdom", I am wise enough to know that I don't REALLY know all that much. don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say I'm stupid or anything, I'm sure plenty of my friends could tell you that =D

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking to say, thanks for putting up with my shit. soooo on that note, take it away asinine traffic signs