Alright I am struggling to write this big paper due tomorrow, and I really don't want to wait until late to finish it up like I usually do. but I probably will because I have pleasant distractions like my blog and AIM.

btw, this is the picture of the girl (amy lee) staring at me on my background for those of you who were wondering

just imagine that blown up to 1024 x 768 ish and that is what I look at.

"country girls...taste like chicken". I have always wondered about that phrase. DF dubs is a weird guy.

So I can't wait for american idol to be over, because no matter what Clay is going to have his own album. What producer wouldn't put some bucks down for his first album? it is going to sell insane quick. However, probably not as fast as the 5th installment of the Harry Potter series.

alright back to the grind...and I don't mean the dance

does anyone else out there wish they had a movie projecter for their mind?

when I listen to cetain songs I have these visions of things I would love to see implimented into a movie. I really think it would be pretty good for the genre it would be.

maybe I am just silly, but I always thought that would be great. I feel they are stylishly created without vulger and explicit details. Which is something that usually happens, I am not one for hardcore stuff. Don't really like gore, and I don't really like Crude stuff (see- Bad Porn, or Pointless violence). Unless we are talking about "undercover brother" of course. When doogie howser boy goes nuts, that is definatly pointless violence, but it is funny as hell

so now I am attempting to work on this essay, but see how far I am getting?? yeah real far...blogging is what I would consider: "Quality Essay Writing" or QEW for short. Cuh-Yew. So basically it could just be Q, because that sounds just like QEW....that is good stuff, and definatly a joke I am going to save for a corny moment in the future.

Sometimes I forget what I am going to say in my blog, so I am working on those Mp3s. long long job. which I just finished, and it didn't really take that long if I focus...hmm

maybe I should be writting and essay then...oh well =)

Today was a fantastic day!

Very happy feelings all over the place, something that I like to feel (but not too often) is feeling normal after a depressing phase. It is good to smile =D

So I think I am going to take on the daunting task of organizing the ~4 gigabytes of MP3s. it isn’t going to be pretty, but it must be done! Because hey, there ARE people browsing them anyway. Of course, if I can get away from this song from Evanescence. “Bring me to life” is fantastic! I love it. And the lead singer is currently staring at me on my desktop….well not right now, because I am looking at the blogger site screen watching the new letters appear as I type them…DERRRRRRRRR

Life has been really great again. Everything is going great with C & C music factory/Wacked enterprises (and for you NON nerds, that is Carrie, Chelsea, and Wacked). It is a big stress reliever to be around them, but still a little sad thought is the approach of summer. Everything this year (drama included) has been movie perfect. Considering the drama was bested, it just reinforces the idea that I have real soul mates on my hands here, trust is a fragile thing, I trust them and they have been nothing but angelic.

The coming of summer does heed a good result....OLD FRIENDS! college stories ahoy!
it is going to be really fantastic to see everyone again, smiles, hugs and long long nights of pseudo philisophical discussions! the chats that stay in your mind forever. I already have a couple from college I will never ever forget, because they just beat the happiness right into me when I think about them. I am sure there will be plenty more in life(if not from the same person/people then others), and I hope some come this summer.

Don't hesitate to give me a ringy dingy or im-ey whem-ey when you get back into lakewood (after the 9th) I want to waste NO time this summer spending time with everyone!

see ya later!

I have a really big smile on my face

and do you know when I have this really big smile on my face?

Right N.....

thank you

not to mention, it is about time I find my Tarzan movie and watch it. That and the Lion King are MIA from my house. and I really really need to watch some Tarzan!
I mean come on!

who can resisit that?!?

well today turned out to be exactly what I needed. and boy am I good to go.

First off, Amy when you get back to BW come visit =) lemme say that now just incase I forget to write it.

now for the day.

it started off with me waking up and trying to remember my dream, and I remember that I did for about 30 minutes, then I forgot it. It was a good dream though, if it wasn't I wouldn't have tried to remember it so. after that I sat around and read somethings online, then decided that finally it was time for me to head on home, for some gathering and thought.

little did I know, that was the best decision I could have made. My family made me feel so good. Happy and myself. Worries are a lot easier to tackle when you get to look at them from a different perspective.

Hey things get out of control sometimes, all it took was a little classic Ellsworth thought. and things aren't so bad. I mean geeze, if Waxing someone with an M4 isn't therapudic, than what the hell is?!? well maybe eating a nice blueberry waffle...or some speghettios...but thats it

You guys who read this know me pretty well, and I am fairly care-free right? well sometimes I guess I just lose sight of things in my life and I become way too into things. when they shouldn't be that big of a deal. and that is just fine

so I learned that Justin Timberlake's beatboxing at the end of Dirty pop is 3 Layered Dubbed. That bastard! not even fair. I have the beginning part down, but when they start throwing in studio effects, I am just DONE like a steak. (not even well done...just done)

alright time for me to shower, and go have some fun. Talk to you later!

Words could never express the range of emotions I have had in the past 24 hours.

phew

Always drama in the club

Well, sadness is fleeting

I am pretty sure the biggest problems are the ones we fabricate in our minds. Wait, I know this.

I hope everyone has a great weekend

"Check it!"

Man, I really need a day to just relax. I am definatly too high strung about things right now. I was definatly right when I said things that normally bounce off are annoying me. It really sucks.

However, I am really hopeful about the next couple weeks. Only 5 more days of actual schooling, then finals. After that I don't want to think about it, because at this point is makes me sad. This year has been a variable fairy tale as far as having fun goes. Waving goodbye to that is one of the hardest things I will ever have to do.

But that doesn't matter, and it seems that sometimes I don't either, but that is fine. Being needed isn't something that I strive for, but rather something that I hope for.

talking to my brother helps me see the (pardon the stupid ass expression) Nitty Gritty of human interaction. So much stuff that we talk about, and I don't want to believe is true, Always happens. SHIT DAMNIT. The only problem is, I don't like to wage "Psychological Warfare" on friends. What the hell does that accomplish when I feel like a big asshole in the end. Thoreau would kick me in the Scrote if I did something like that.

But what does that matter, Do the ends justify the means? or vice versa....couldn't tell you

Being up at 5:30 and having heartburn type symptoms is annoying as hell

that is Fo' Sho'

You know, eating popcorn products isn't really all that fun. Seriously think about this. There is always that damn shell that fuses to the back of your tongue/throat. I am sitting here in computer class attempting to get this shell out, and if I were in the front I would probably look like a big dork....oh wait, nevermind

As of now, my Prof just gave us this huge speech about gun powder. It was good times. So now, if you ever need to know a tad about gunpowder, I'm your man.

alright, as for real thoughts. Right now I am in a little rut. I am having a hard time attempting to move forward relationshipally, not significant others, but just otherwise. Now that I have no obligation to another, I should feel free and all that right? but why do I feel so bad when I think about doing anything with someone else.

because It hasn't been enough time, and I am just too thoughtful of a certain person. But what can I say? romantic at heart doesn't do much for the brain. that's for sure.

I figure life is as it seems in "My best friends wedding" when they two Best friends talk about love, but I will change that a little: if you feel like doing something, do it in that instant or it passes you by. No one wants that.

for instance, Dave Forni called me today. That is fantastic, and I am glad he called. I just want you guys to know that I still would love to hang out with you, I just have never been good and calling. Someday I will be motivated to pick up the phone and give ya and lil' ringy dingy.

Until then, laugh and enjoy life. Don't be too sad about drama, it comes and goes, and so do the days,ocean's tide, and the moon. They seem to be doing just fine.

Until next time, Avast Ye Mateys and Batton down the poop deck! Only 2 weeks left. Ciao

Man, sometimes I just don't like thinking about stupid things.

However, on a good note, I don't have to write the paper for tomorrow.

I really don't want to write thoughts right now because I really feel that they need to be thought first, so I guess that is my blog entry for this evening.

So today on the day off, I worked and helped Dad! good times really, well no, Pepperidge Farm is a hard horrible long job.

waking up at 4:30am and ending the day at 5pm is not what I call good times.

and when I got home, I napped, long and hard. My nap that is...heh heh

so today while working, I sat there in the truck, like a big goober, thinking about my out of state superstar, as well as my in state champions from BW. I wore the ribbon when I worked, it made the day go by quicker. Anything is easier when you have something pleasant to think about.

time to go do some stuff, talk to you later!

does anyone else think there can be a rift in the time? I know 3 people who broke up with their sig others this weekend. Was it the weather?

no idea really. Anyway, today was a day I should have worked on some homework but I really didn't want to. instead I played Shadowbane for many many hours. It was relaxing. nothing like slaying Stone Trolls for 6 hours. or something like that

this quote goes out to Jam master Kev. "No woman in the history of the world is having better sex than the sex you are having in my head." ain't that about a bitch? yup.

it is almost that time again, when I get to move Chelsea's car because I am in fact, still awake at 5:00 in the morning. sometimes I think I should sleep, but then sometimes I know that it is better to get those last precious moments online having fun in. althought it is only 5:10ish I should probably go move the car now, there are precious few spots remaining. but I won't because I will wait until 5:30 so I can do it with style. then go to bed (after a brisk game break for about 10 minutes).

goodnight

Have you ever been to an art gallery, and looked at a beautiful painting? I have and it is great. Have you ever wanted to touch the painting and feel all the splendor of it? the art beneath your skin?

But, as we all know, the works of art have a rule. eyes only.

pretty good rule of thumb I think. keeps the painting perfect forever.

anyways, I will continue where I left off.

I did infact do poorly on my computer test, I didn't do TERRIBLY, but I didn't do well, I can promise you this. All of that upsets me though. I am so distracted with happiness around me at BW that I don't focus on what I like, and what I want to do with my life. Programming is what I can do! and I do it well, if I put forth time to do it. but school is almost finished, and back home I go.

I am kinda sad to be leaving these people here, and lets be honest about it, I am going to miss EVERYONE, literally.

your goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Fellatio Teapot, Yo

now that's what I'm talkin about. If you are going to get a nickname...you better settle for something that is an enuendo for a blowjob. werd to your motha.

so now back to real thoughts, lets see here. My future roomie(Kevin) isn't doing so well now and that REALLY sucks, because he is my bro...damn =( . this weekend was X-Treme. It was either extremly good or bad for people apparently. and I am glad that it is over. I don't know how much more I can take of that stuff.

I can tell that I am saddened when things that usually bounce right off have some effect on me, and I hate that. so you know what. I am going to change it, because being sad is all mental. and according to the 80's early 90's, Mental is crazy =D

goodnight

I can hardly belive that today is only monday, and that so much has happened in 3 days. that was almost movie speed.

there isn't too much to cover that I really want to on this blog, since it can be used for bad just as it can for good. but I am sure most of you knew that already.

anyway, now I have to focus on school again, I am a little off balanced lately and I have a big test in Computer Programming tonight, shit, and I didn't get to go to the review session, because of room draw. and also, today is good ole fashioned Scheduling

more fun that a barrel of monkies folks, really.

so what else has been new? I finally watched Mulan the other day (well half of it). it was an ok disney movie. don't get me wrong, she definatly was a bad ass heroine, but It didn't really fit my style.

alright note to self, registration takes a long time, and does not agree with hunger

well it seems that in light of some misunderstanding, that I have become a "heart shatterer".

sometimes hearing what you want to hear is no way to get things fixed.

but that is fine, sometimes it doesn't matter what either person has to say, you can fill the memory of me with hatred and disgust, not a thing I can do about it. except say kind things about you csilla.

you can't shoot someone in the back when you don't have a gun. especially when I don't have any motive or reason to hurt your feelings.

so all I can say now is sorry things had to turn out this way, I had no intention of shattering you, and I guess that didn't work out. I just hope you have a fun time, remember the good times we've had, and may happiness follow you on your journies.

see you in the summer, I guess just not as planned before. goodnight

there must be some sort of chaotic energy floating about me lately, because everyone I have been with lately has been affected in a drastic way.

it kinda like I am radioactive and I should be in a lead case till I have enough Half-lives to be inert.

or maybe like this

I am tired. tired tired tired. However, I have to keep on trucking, because I have to finish this essay, which currently isn't doing so well. I have to write about something in my life that plays a big part, but is a rule of some sort at the same time. I can't really think of any. I wanted to do one about Religion but right now my creative juices aren't giving me anything to write a minimum of 3 pages about. I hate when I have writer's block, although it isn't a severe case, I just don't like having an idea and not knowing how to express it. I makes me feel inadequate.

so what is going on in my head lately? well lets see, Csilla and I are now apart. We said we will give it another shot in the summer, and that should be ok, but I have this feel inside like it just won't work. but what do I know, it is just a feeling. I spent last night talking with Soulmate #1 Carrie, and it seems I am beginning to mess with her life too.

I figure I should quit while I am only in up to my knees. I think I should retreat to my room for a couple days, and let things calm down even though I don't want to. I have precious few days left with these people at BW and it makes me sad to know that it will be very difficult to see them over the summer. It is like the ending of summer camp, when you finally made all of these sweet friends, and then you have to take the long ride back home. don't get me wrong, I love all of you guys back at home, but I still feel only half full without the college crew.

anyway, I suppose I should get back to this paper on the Thoreau quote. talk to you later blog

once again with the late night blogging. which should be fine, since I really have nothing else to do.

so in ~20 minutes from now (5:10) I am going to go and Move BW Chelsea's car from the Union parking lot to the Street, since I will be up anyway.

and in 20 minutes I wrote nothing, it is now 5:45 and I just moved the car. good times

anyway, what else is there really to talk about? this weekend I am going out to a movie, dinner, Csilla visits, and I have 2 papers to write.

movie and dinner is made up of going with Carrie, no getting drunk this weekend for us. Csilla I think is visiting from 7-12 or something like that according to Amy. I hope I am not bitter or anything when she visits, because that would be dumb. especially since Bill isn't going to be around.

but whatever happens happens. I really don't know where anything is going lately, so I am just going to give in and go with the flow of the river of life, but try not to bang into any particularly big rocks on the way.

as Jeff and I would say:

---

With one blue sock, I emerge lukewarm with golden eyelashes. I look from a tall height in the group at the soft grey images around me in the fiery cold icelands of the south and I see the purple murple on my skin.

---

what ever the hell that means. that and CLAY IS NOT GAY DAMNIT. he is the MAN

and this is for those of you who have trouble understanding.....like Jeff


I hope that helps clear up any confusion. and if it doesn't. May gerbils bite off your friggan toes and poop them out in your soup.

ok it is past 6am now, I figure I might as well get some rest. Goodnight

Written at 4:45am

I guess with all of my new blog improvements I might as well post to keep it going huh? That would be a good idea

All's quiet on the western front at 3:45am. At least around me.

I am still sitting in my own world of music and typing. I swear I must be so annoying to bill. Sure he sleeps well, but he has been such a fantastic roommate that I don't want to piss him off.

Anyways, it has been the first time I have spoken with my Jana in a long time, and boy does it feel good. Although our topics are touchy, they are still needed.

Now it seems that I am once again alone, but that doesn't bother me, I get to listen to whatever my little heart desires. At this point in time it just so happens to be, "Under the Sea" from the little mermaid.

Now, some Moses Hogan, he is the man of Gospel music. It is really nice to hear, but now I miss Doc Hanson. She really was a good direction, regardless of whatever anyone else says in their bitterness or spite. I don't care, she was really awesome. I believe that as a teacher she has helped me reach anything that I have become by believing in me.

You know what I need, I need a play, and I need to act again. Next semester at BW, it is back to the ole musicals and plays (although I might be way to busy) I figure I should at least try. That and I need to be in Choir(s) again. I will not let myself lose composure from not singing in a choir in awhile.

And here it is my friends. "Son of Man" from Disney's Tarzan. This is my song, there will never be a song that I can relate with ever. I don't enjoy incredible overexaderation, but I feel that it is necessary at this point. So many nice memories from the song, and so many times it has helped change my mood from somber to vivant!. Phil Collins' is a very good musician, he defiantly kicked ass in this sound track, regardless of what ever critics have to say. Not to mention that Tarzan is, in my opinion, the best hero of a Disney cartoon. This is because he has depth of character, a heart, curiosity, determination, and respect. Also, Massive Rippling Muscles.

Let’s take a moment to look at other Disney (Male) Heroes:
Beast
Prince Eric
Prince Charming
Lieutenant dude from Hunchback
Hunchback himself
Hercules
Aladdin
Little boy from the black cauldron (yes it is a Disney movie!! I checked)
Arthur from "Sword in the Stone"
The Owl badass from Sword in the Stone
Simba

Now look over that list, who comes close to Tarzan? Seriously. Ok, maybe the bad ass owl from Sword in the Stone, but that is about it. I mean ok, maybe Beast, because he eventually gets a heart, but then again, so does the Tin man from the Wizard of Oz, and all he did was fail to Chop up those flying monkeys with his axe. Aladdin? nah, no muscles, he was all about being crafty, and so is Tarzan...lets put is this way, Tarzan > Aladdin. Who else is even close...defiantly not the princes, Eric, Charming, Hercules, and Simba. I mean come on, Eric and Charming are just pansies. Simba...ok Simba was kinda cool, but he was too confused and afraid to do some stuff, so he is out....and he is a big freaking cat. Hercules may have the muscles, but he has so much testosterone that his brain must be really, really small, because he messes up a lot. Even with that silly satyr Hercules just doesn't match Tarzan.

So there for, using Theorems of Discrete math:
To prove: Tarzan is the bomb
Beast > Other Heroes, because of multiple factors....except he is only >= to Aladdin, because Aladdin sang a whole new world...and that just earns you bad ass points.
Tarzan > Beast/Aladdin.

I am even willing to bet Tarzan could beat them both at the same time, as long as he is in the Jungle, and has his trusty spear.

There you have it folks, Tarzan does it again! At least in my eyes, feel free to bring up some more heroes that Tarzan is better than. Maybe next time I will compare hotness and likeability of the Princesses, and Female leads of these Movies. If you're bored lucky enough.

out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Crazy nights, long sleeps, waking up at 4:00pm.

where is it in that time that dreams fade into reality and reality fades into dream? I wish I could tell you, but I can't remember.

Well I have no classes tomorrow (thursday to me) so I might as well write a blog entry

the last couple of days have been pretty fun, I have spent the majority of them on the third floor with Carrie and Chelsea, my BW main squeezes. good times in there, no doubt.

other than that, I was able to speak to a fellow LHSer during my night classes (wednesday) that I have never spoken with. it was great, and it definatly makes me miss High School. a lot of missed opportunities and friendships in high school, but I am not complaining I am contempt.

so tonight (thursday) I am haniging with C&C again and this time they have a friend from, guess where, WOOSTER!. her name is Anne and she is in marching band. right now we have gone to McDonald's, hollywood video, and dinner at the Union.

anyways, it has come to the conclusion that I am rotting in hell, but this is an amendment to a previous rotting in hell, so that means I am rotting in hell squared. Now I am confused as to what would this incur. Seeing as I would still be rotten in the fires of the endless inferno, I really don't think that could get much worse. Also point two, I have been rotting in hell for awhile, so is satan actually losing money on my investment? I mean I am not gaining any capital by sitting in hell for awhile, and property value would go way down on the place where I would be rotting. That brings up another question, would I be able to move around while rotting in hell? or would I just be an immoble being, you know...rotting in the fires of hell squared.

so off the topic of me suffering eternal torment due to telling a fib about my emergency exit lever, (which I have found, only makes an annoying beeping noise and apparently does something with the seatbelts which is unknown to me. I apologize, becuase fiery torment doesn't sound like a nice alternative, and because fibbing is wrong.

you know what I could go for right now, TACO BELL, I just feel like 2 chicken soft tacos, and 1 taco supreme, and 1 other taco that I would feel like trying tonight. probably some sort of chicken thing, gordita or burrito supreme or something. I usually don't eat so much, so I feel hungry a lot. Austin power is an odd movie, the ass silhouette things are insane. anyway, there are 4 friends in the room, so why am I sitting her blogging?? I dunno, maybe it is time I kick some ass.

my blog entries suck